whew!

Whew! Sometimes its those little shakeups in your day which are exactly what the doctor ordered. The moments in your day when everything clicks, and for a little while your head breaths clarity.

five signs that you might like somebody.

5.) you make excuses to check your phone every 10 seconds

4.) you daydream about them

3.) you make excuses to see them

2.) you can't pay attention to a word there saying

1.) you start wondering if your just "friends"

Rules!

have you ever gotten tired of letting rules have in your control  life?  Have you ever wondered why you get up and keep showing up to job for a manager who didn't pass high school but continue to roll on a power trip, or  why do i get up and go to school to be taught be teachers who failed at their professions. If you have then its time to perform  a psychoanalysis on yourself. When you search from within i find more often than not that my true passions are dying to unleash. Sure, its expected that i go to school, get a degree, get a cushy corporate job,  have a family, and  bust out three kids but is this my dream, or an idea that's been crammed into my head since i was three years old.
                Its interesting to think more often about the motivations behind our actions. Education is important, but the onus is ultimately on us to educate ourselves. When i have a test on Monday and am having trouble the teacher isn't there to guide me through things and hold my hand becuase if you want to be educated on a certain subject we will teach ourselves. School isn't hard , it just boils down to weather we find a meaning in it. And Should we really waste our time learning something that deep down we think is pointless?
              I see so many people working so hard just to break even, or pay the bills, and when i asked my parents why they show up to work they told me, "becuase everyone has to work". Fuck that, where is the freedom of choice in this? I thought America was suppose to be about how we have the freedom of choice, and if showing up at some meaningless job is what it takes to be part of the 90th percentile in the middle class than i'd honestly rather be poor. At least if i'm poor im not getting raped by the government and watching my tax money flow into the wallets of the richest 1%.
            This notion of going against the grain has always appealed to me, becuase it seems to be what success is all about. I mean if everyone follows the same blueprint then innovation doesn't exist, creativity is stagnant, and change never occurs. Did Martin Luther king follow the blueprint? No. Did Ghandi wait for change to happen? No.
Sure, its scary to be on your own, but think of how gratifying it is to prove all the haters wrong, think of the absolutive euphoria when you finally tame your dreams. Anyways, fuck the rules they were put there to make us think twice about things, but whoever made these rules don't give two shits about me, or you,  so why should we follow them!

Explore

            Sometimes its easy to feel lost. I am constantly asking myself the same questions over and over, what is the purpose of my actions? Do We go to school just for the purpose of getting a better job and moving up the ladder? Or is it something bigger? Either way i don't feel like wasting anymore time.

           One of the biggest flaws of humans is we are privy to procrastination. I'm probably one of the biggest culprits becuase my mind will race with idea after idea, yet i can't seem to focus it in one area. The human mind becomes dangerous once you start putting it to work towards a goal. Most people discover that anything we set our minds to is possible, the only problem is now that we understand the possibilities, we the proper motivation to acheive the goal.

      Life is an adventure, and i want to strive for a change in this world in my limited time, but when i ask others i've heard, " well what can i really do about it". It's that exact attitutude which i want to prove wrong. This is where my idea will come in. If you truly want things in life, you need to first apply yourself, and then continually have motivation. The first step for my idea will be these next few weeks of application where i can hopefully get things rolling.

Song and Trailer of the day!

The new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer is out I'd love to hear your thoughts!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB-CRHdaPAo

Also this is a really old song, but it helped me get through some tough time the other day: check out Savage garden!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uB4lT5CblA&feature=related

Feeling alone

I've been isolated from the world, and confused about what exactly i want. Life is like a train when its working; it's a full steam ahead locomotive which can't be stopped, yet when its broken down the tracks  seem to be broke constantly. Sometimes its not about knowing what you want especially when your mind changes on a daily basis. I think maybe  uncertainty is a sign that i should look for something else in my life to find meaning.
          When you have a relationship with someone theres only two options when things go bad, making up, or breaking up. If you choose to breakup theres two ways you can handle the situation. One person will want to fix things and say, " baby i love you we can get through this". However, the Other person will try to play things off completly aloof as if the relationship wasn't even a big deal in the first place, they will forget your number, and forget they ever knew you. I acted like i didn't care, but karma came back to get me becuase six monthes later i was the one crying and she had already moved on. Stuff like this is what makes it scary to be alone, and scary to bring things to an end, but i screw it becuase i refuse to live life wondering "what if".

Fear is diabolical

              Your Heart is pounding like a drum, every thought has dissappeared, and doubt creeps in like high tide on a mid summer afternoon. Im talking about fear, a rougish emotion which strikes subtly, but undeniably quick. The emotion is shared by most people,and we can choose to use it or let it drain us. I remember when i had to give a speech for the first time, and i was petrified, fidgeting, and my mind felt numb to thought. The only thoughts which were running through my head were run away, or pretend your sick, yet when i actually got up and performed the speech it was empowering. I had accomplished something my mind told me not to  attempt, but nothing topped the rush of adrenaline which  ensued.
         I still get afraid to do things and my mind is a sneaky little bastard. It loves to contradict itself and can convince me i could fly one second, and tell me i can't get out of bed the next. I want to work on living with less fear in my life becuase i have been blessed with one life and it should be cherished and taken advantage of. Trying more things, embracing failure, and ending my obsession with what other people think. Yes sometimes i need to cater to an audience, but ultimatley if i succeed or fail the only person i can blame is myself. Why care about what anyone thinks when they could care less about it. Acting taught me to take risks and go out on a limb. No matter what if you try your best you will have your dignity, and i can certainly live with that.

Dentist!!

  

        From the moment someone takes their first step into the dentist office, butterflies are already swirling in your stomach. I always get the feeling like i'm going in for a major surgery even if its just something simple like a filling. I precariously walk in the office and gaze around, usually it's bland white office with a few altruistic secretaries at the front desk ready to make small talk so you feel better. Looking around the room you may notice the same convoluted look on people's faces becuase their all  thinking the same thing ," get me out of here", or " god its been like 3 years since my last appointment im screwed."
      When you finally get in the room it gets worse becuase they make you sit in the chair. Its not just any chair, in fact its usually reminds me of a venus fly trap becuase it looks harmless and comfortable until your within its grasp. so you sit their for 15 minutes before the dentist steps in the room. This way you can stare at all the drills, and pointy tools their going to poke around your mouth with. Usually during this fifeteen minutes i calm down and the dentist will sneak in behind me like a rogue assassin and be like, " So how's everything going, are you still in school or at the same job?" Next they'll start calling you buddy, or hunnie to try and make you feel more comfortable even though your about ready to run out of the damn room. Finally, you get asked to open up wide, at this moment you think of every time you forgot to floss, brush, and ignored a cavity; you also begin to start praying that its not too late to save your poor teeth.
        The dentist will start stroking his chin and make a couple of hmm and mhm noises followed by a series of x-rays. Now that your mind is thinking of every possible problem there could be, you will get probed and prodded several times in an area that hurts and they'll ask you after, " are you okay", or " that didn't hurt did it." I always have a cartoon pictured in my head with the nihilistic mad scientist dentist who laughs maniacally and uncontrollably as they drill in my mouth, but its usually not so drastic. Before the dentist lets you know the results they will keep you in suspense for another 10 minutes and always start off by saying well its, " not to bad", or we can fix this." The next words that come out of their mouth usually involve you  shelling out a couple grand in dental work, and how Becky ( the secratary) will setup a consoltation for further examination. Finally your about ready to get out and their already trying to bring you back in, but unfortunatley the dentist is a necessary evil we must deal with in life.